My writing friends have saved my books — honestly my life — more times than I can count. I long for the day I publish a book in part so I can shout them out in the acknowledgments. There’s my first writing buddy Auriane Desombre, aka one of the first people I said the words, “I might be queer” to; there’s the Grove and the Pen Pals, two writing Discords who have meant the world to me through some of the darkest hours of my journey; my “on Sundays, we talk” and Seabrook crew; and of course the one and only Kat Korpi, first reader of all my stories because we basically had the same childhood on different continents.

Okay, mini-acknowledgments aside — writing friends are the stuff of dreams on the journey to publication. But rather than making this a persuasive essay to explain why you should find them, because frankly I think we all know friends are important, I’m going to give some tips for finding said writing community.

Apply for a mentorship program

Back in my day (2017), one of the best ways to find writing buddies was to join a Facebook group of Pitch Wars hopefuls and swap pages. In 2024, Pitch Wars was shut down and Facebook is…well, we don’t need to talk about Facebook.

That said, there are other mentorship programs springing up! I’m a mentor for two this year, including Round Table Mentor (applications for mentees from Dec. 1-15!), a cool new mentorship program where all applicants will be added to a Discord to forge community. If you’ve got a manuscript in decent shape and are looking for the support of a mentor and a writing community, I’d definitely encourage you to apply.

Other programs include SmoochPit, which emphasizes romantic stories; Quillers, exclusively for authors from SWANA backgrounds; and probably others that aren’t on my radar just yet. Even if you don’t get accepted, you’ll likely meet other hopefuls who may become your new writing besties!

Get active on social media

I know. I know! Social media can be a pigsty. However, I’ve been hanging out on BlueSky over the past few weeks, and it seems like it’s shaping up to be a pretty decent place for writers! You can use hashtags, like #WritingCommunity or #BookSky to get on the radar of fellow writers. This is really a great step to prepare for the next piece of advice, which is harder, scarier, and much more fun!

Slide into DMs with the confidence of an Insta bot

Once you’re active on socials and have established that you’re not, actually, just an Insta bot, you can start engaging with other writers. Personally, I would suggest you start by following and commenting on people’s posts (not creepily!), boosting their work and showing that you’re invested in them as more than just a social follow.

Once you’ve established something of a rapport, you channel the confidence of a weird military-man-looking Instagram bot, and you slide into someone’s DMs (note, if their inbox is closed…don’t do this). It’s terrifying, I know. What if they reply and aren’t interested in friendship? What if they just ignore you?

Well, what if they, too, are looking for a friend? What if you click instantly? What if they become your new ride or die? It can happen! The key is being kind and, if they shut the door, understanding and respecting their boundary.

Take an online or in-person writing class

I put this one toward the bottom because it’s going to cost money, and I know that’s not something everyone can do. But if you can sign up for a course through something like Gotham Writers Workshop or The Writers Conservatory, that can be a great way to meet like-minded writers in similar stages of their careers.

Most of these places will have writing forums where you can post questions and interact with others in the same class. It takes a bit of courage, just like DM-sliding, but it can be so rewarding in the end!

Go to in-person book events and chat up your neighbor

Yes, another one that may or may not cost money and will require some gumption. I live in New York City, where it’s easy to find book events, and I recognize this might not be an option for everyone. But if you can safely attend an event, you can absolutely find a friend among the attendees!

Just flash your best smile and try to strike up a conversation about the book or author you’re there for. It may not always work, but at least you’ve tried!

No seriously, channel the bots’ confidence

Seriously, though. The best way to find friends and a community is to put yourself out there. It requires no small amount of bravery and can be a terrifying prospect…but the results?

They’re so very worth it!